Somebody may wish to talk to you about their experiences, which is called a disclosure. This can be a daunting experience as we all want to be as supportive as possible, and you may understandably be afraid of “saying the wrong thing”. These are some “do’s” and “don'ts” which can help you in this conversation.

Do's and don'ts

Do

• Tell them what they experienced is not okay
• Listen to understand, rather than respond
• Believe them and take action
• Know it’s not their fault
• Recognise how tough it might have been to disclose
• Let them stay in control
• Take your time – don’t rush them
• Give them choices
• Respect their boundaries
• Maintain confidentiality but ensure they understand you may need to share information (for example if a safeguarding concern is outlined)
• Safely signpost them to support
• Ask them if they want support to report their experience

Don't

• Ask why they didn’t say anything sooner
• Make judgements
• Tell them about your experiences or what you would’ve done differently
• Ask why they didn’t stop it, run away or fight back
• Judge them for how they’ve responded to sexual harassment or abuse
• Impose your views on their experience
• Share their personal details without their permission. If permission is not given but you have concerns, report the concerns appropriately without disclosing the individual’s personal details
• Share their information with others unless they explicitly give you permission to do so, or there are safeguarding concerns

Remember, if you don’t know what to say, that’s okay. Just listening can be helpful and show your support.